Motor, Music, Explode.

Popular music will always be in a battle against the rock and roll death rattle portrayed in Almost Famous.

I am a man. And I smell like an arctic blast.

In day to day life their are certain substances floating through the air that make us keenly aware of the air knob chillin in the middle of our face. That ‘air knob’ is of course the nose and its supplementary function as a smellerometer is so completely overlooked, that words like smellerometer or smelltacular don’t even exist!

Despite being arguably the worst of the 5 senses there are redeeming qualities; Like the sweet smell of strawberries or being able to identify a hobo even if he’s well dressed…  But to really experience humanity’s smelltacular confusion, direct yourself to the men’s body wash aisle.

When I look for a body wash, there are really only two things I’m concerned with.  The packaging, and the scent.  The only problem is, all through the hundreds of choices for mens body wash, there is not a single one with a recognizable scent.  Peering over to the woman’s section, I see the names of many tantalizing fragrances; Like Juicy Pomegranate & Mango Infusions or Honeysuckle & Orange Peel….Mmmm  Now those are smells I’d like to rub all over my body.  Too bad the package is covered in pastels and is shaped like a dildo.  So back to the men’s section.  The bottles are black with classy bold faced logos.  There are even grips on the side of some because real men never drop the soap.  Yea, these look like something that I wanna smell like.  Old spice uses the strategy of naming it’s smells after things you would not want to be struck by; like a smooth blast or a pacific surge.  They even have one called Double Impact.  Now maybe a sailor knows what a pacific surge smells like or a boxer knows what a double impact smells like.  But more believable is that these are all just phrases found in the gay porn industry. A double impact from both a smooth blast and a pacific surge sounds really gross to me.

Axe is even more ridiculous with there fragrances.  They feature gems such as ‘Essence.’  Doesn’t that just mean smell?  Your body wash smells like smell? It’s like existentialism for the nose.  Another of my favorites is ‘Dark Temptaion.’  So will it turn me into a dark temptation, give me a dark temptation, or smell like poop?

Fraught with confusion, I just grabbed the sexiest bottle and now apparently i smell like a Kilo.

Brittany Murphy’s Dead. And you don’t care.

Brittany Murphy died of a drug overdose the other day.  They haven’t officially said ‘drug overdose’ yet but why else would a skinny blonde girl with a deviated septum go into cardiac arrest?  Yea, Cocaine is one hell of a drug.

But her death and the circumstances surrounding it are of little interest to me.  What does interest me is the apparent lack of interest in her death.  If I were to compile a list of 2009 Celebrity deaths and order them by the entertainment they provided me,  MJ would undoubtedly be first and Murphy would steal last place from Alliyah who is famous for songs such as “The one on the Dr. Dolittle Soundtrack.”

I feel compelled to provide some reasons why her death is boring and maybe some insight into why people are just feigning interest but I simply don’t want to because it is boring. As far as I see it, disinterest in Murphy’s death is coming from two places.  The first is the fact that the general population has been overloaded with ‘celebrity’ deaths and as a result have become desensitized.  With Murphy capping of 2009, Americans are collectively realizing that unless Madonna dies we’re pretty much over it.  The second and cardinal reason for the disinterest can be attributed to her general lack of talent in everything she was involved in other than looking smoking hot.