Emoticons. What the fuck.
On behalf of my generation I would like to take credit for the destruction of written language. My 8th grade class was the first 8th grade class to collectively realize that we had access to methods of communication that blurred the lines between a personal conversation, a written letter, and a telephone call. Of course, I’m talking about text messaging (sms, aim, icq, etc). And so, with a full head of steam, we cannon balled into the english language and fucked the shit out of it. So without further a due, I present to you a language now globally accepted that was created by middle schoolers.
- :) Ah the classic smiley face. This one is the most tame of all emoticons and therefore the most widely used. This is used to convey a feeling of solace and tranquilty.
- EX. Where are you? :)
- Bonus Meaning: I want to know where you are because I think you’re awesome and i miss you so much!
- Trendy Variations : =D C:
- EX. Where are you? :)
- :( You will see noobs misuse the sad face all day. Use this to convey a sense of longing or regret
- EX. Where are you? :(
- Bonus Meaning: You were here a second ago and then you just up and left, is it because I’m fat?
- EX. Where are you? :(
- =P Ok first order of business regarding this one is that it is NOT someone licking their lips, it is more of a tongue in cheek type reference. Beware of creepers using this symbol because usually it just means they want to fuck you. Use this when you say something sarcastic or facetious.
- EX. Your sister is such a whore =p
- Bonus Meaning: Your sister is a whore but you can’t be mad at me for saying that because i used an emoticon which absolves me of all responsibility….we’re friends right?
- EX. Your sister is such a whore =p
- ;) The winky face might be the most confusing emoticon. Most people don’t even know the right time to wink IRL so shit gets pretty fucked up when they do it on the internet. This one time i was watching a subway commercial, you know the ‘5 dollar foot long’ ones? My girlfriends dad goes, “Justin hey you know why they are singing that…” then he winked, wtf. If he did that on the internet i would think he wanted to fuck me. But I digress, use the winky face when you want to fuck someone or lead them on.
- EX. Do you wanna go back to my place? ;)
- Bonus Meaning: Bitch, you lookin so fine. Lets head back to my crib so I can tear that ass up.
- EX. Do you wanna go back to my place? ;)
Obviously I’ve shown you only a few emoticons. Others include :o :s and :\
So going forward I ask you to take care in using your emoticons and beware of emoticon prefixes such as > which can completely change the implied meaning of a message. Gooodnight >;)
